


A Worthwhile Life

by Lamsfan



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda, Historical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Falling In Love, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 11:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamsfan/pseuds/Lamsfan
Summary: John is Alex's doctor.





	A Worthwhile Life

It was on the third visit after his diagnosis that Dr. John Laurens pulled Alexander into a hug and told him that it would be okay.  It was probably a lie.  The cancer had spread and chemotherapy would make him feel worse.  John knew it was unprofessional to become so personally invested in a patient but Alexander was more than just a patient.  John always scheduled him as the last patient before lunch so he could have extra time with him.  Alexander always had a project, a case to discuss, an idea to kick around.  John could listen to him for hours; the words and the sound of his voice were equally enticing.  But today he looked so helpless, so broken.  John knew he had to do something to comfort him.  

Alexander’s hair was silky and smelled like honey; John could lose himself in it.  He nestled his nose in closer and inhaled.  Alexander relaxed into it, his hands and arms rising on their own accord to rest on John’s back.  He couldn’t remember how long it had been since someone hugged him and he liked it, despite the reason.  He wanted to stay there, breathing in John’s smell and feeling the firm pressure of his hands, but he pulled away before it got weird.  This was his doctor, after all. 

“I know I sound childish but it’s just not fair.”  Alexander plucked a tissue from the doctor’s desk and dabbed at the tears that sat like crystals on the tips of his lashes.  He imagined he looked like a petulant child ready to stomp his feet and throw a tantrum, so he took a deep breath and steadied his emotions.  “My life has always been a struggle; I’ve come to terms with that.  But now?  Just when things are starting to settle down, this happens?” 

“Mr. Hamilton.  I know this is difficult to hear and I wish I had better news.  The doctors in Nevis were probably focused on keeping you alive.  And once the symptoms subsided, they probably moved on to the next patient and missed the root cause of your illness.  It grew so slowly, you probably attributed any symptoms to the flu.” 

John paged through his notes and waited while Alexander wiped his nose. Alexander always came to his appointments alone and he wasn't wearing a ring.  “Is there someone I can call?  It might be better for someone to drive you home.” 

“No, it’s fine.”  _And there’s no one, he thought. My father disappeared when I was a kid; my mother died not too long after, and I lost track of my only sibling soon after that. I'm alone._  “My car is in the garage downstairs and I don’t live very far.  I can drive myself but if it’s okay, I’d like to sit here for a moment.” 

“That’s fine.  Take all the time you need.  I’ll have one of the nurses bring you some juice.  Or would you prefer coffee?”  Alexander nodded at the offer of coffee and John began to leave the room.  He paused at the door and said, “On another topic, I’d like to transfer you to another doctor in the practice.  He has more experience with this type of cancer and should be able to guide you through your treatment.”  John wrote the doctor’s information on a page of his prescription pad and handed it to Alexander.  Their fingers brushed and it was like a spark. He knew his decision to transfer this patient was the right one. 

Alexander, on the other hand, felt a second punch to his gut.  Seeing the beautiful, smart, caring Dr. Laurens was the only thing that had made his late night vomiting and constant blood draws tolerable.  And now he didn’t even want to be his doctor.  Alexander was probably going to die a long painful death.  And he would do it alone.  John would never know how he felt.  Perhaps it was best.  

Months went by and Alexander was feeling infinitely better.  The new doctor was nice enough but he missed Dr. Laurens.  He scrolled through his contacts for the umpteenth time before deciding it was now or never.  The phone rang once and Alexander could feel the nerves developing.  It rang a second time and he considered hanging up.  But the third ring was cut off by John’s voice, “This is Dr. Laurens.”  _Too late to hang up, he thought._  

“Dr. Laurens. This is Alexander Hamilton.  I know it’s been awhile but I was wondering if you would be interested in meeting for coffee sometime.  I wanted to fill you in on my progress.” 

“Mr. Hamilton!  It’s so nice to hear from you.  It’s kind of hard to get away for coffee during the work day.”  John took a breath and decided he actually did have enough courage for the second part of his thought, especially since Alexander had opened the door.  “How about dinner?  There’s a Caribbean place downtown I’ve wanted to try.  Maybe you can steer me towards the best dishes.  Is tonight too soon?” 

“That sounds great.  But if we’re having dinner, maybe you could call me Alexander?” 

“Only if you call me John.” 

“Well, John, it’s a date.”  

Alexander stood in front of his mirror and adjusted his tie.  _Was that too formal, he wondered._   He’d only seen John at work and he was usually wearing a lab coat over his shirt and tie, so it was probably fine.  But the restaurant was likely casual.  And he felt good, for the first time in a long while.  Maybe he could show off a little.  He changed into his favorite jeans, the ones that showed his strong thighs and the curve of his hips just right.  He kept the button down shirt but instead of tucking it, he left the tails free and topped it with a deep violet vee neck sweater that matched his eyes.  

At his office, John was going through a similar routine.  The word ‘date’ kept coming back into his thoughts.  Had Mr. Hamilton, no Alexander, really meant it that way?  Or was it just a figure of speech?  And which did he want it to be? John had picked up his laundry on the way to the office, so he had something to change into and once he got dressed and stepped into the waiting room, he was hit with catcalls and wolf whistles from the staff.  “Dr. Laurens has a date,” they teased.  He blushed. 

Both men started towards the restaurant fifteen minutes earlier than necessary, just so they would have a few minutes check their appearance in the restroom and take a few calming breaths.  That plan was foiled when they arrived at the same time. 

“Hi, Alexander.”  John tried out the name, let it sit on his tongue.  It felt good; he could get used to it.  He had a hard time saying anything else.  Alexander was so beautiful, it almost took his breath away. 

“Hi, John.”  Alexander held out one hand awkwardly, then decided a quick hug was okay.  John felt solid and warm.  Alexander hoped he couldn’t feel his heartbeat through his jacket.  “It’s good to see you.  I looked up the menu online.  Are you feeling adventurous?  I think we should try some things you might not have heard of.” 

John looked nervous but said, yes, he was open to an adventure.  Alexander ordered a feast; his appetite was back and he wanted to make up for all the days when he couldn’t keep anything down.  Being in a restaurant that served the food of his childhood made it even more exciting.  There was goat water stew, rikkita beef, ginger mango chicken, all served with peas and rice and washed down with something called a Killer Bee, a cocktail made with rum, honey, soda, passion fruit puree orange juice and pepper.  When John thought he couldn’t eat another bite, Alexander ordered a coconut rum bread pudding for them to share. 

The night passed quickly.  They shared stories of their childhoods and told how they ended up in New York.  Alexander told him that his cancer was in remission, he was back to his normal weight, and he was back at work full-time.  “You look good,” John admitted.  He felt a little tipsy and drowsy from the heavy meal and leaned back in his chair to study Alexander’s face.  He looked happy and John drifted off into thoughts of them having a life together. 

“Why do you suddenly look so serious?” 

The sound of Alexander’s voice snapped John back to the present.  He reached across the table and covered Alexander’s hand with his own.  It was soft and warm and felt as though it was meant to be held.  “Alexander, I should confess.  Dr. Rush really is a great doctor but I transferred your care to him for selfish reasons.  I was falling for you and I didn’t think I could be objective in your treatment.”  John spilled it all in one breath, hoping that if he didn’t give Alexander an opening to shoot him down, he might have a chance.  “And then I was too nervous to ask you out.  I thought it might seem...creepy.  Then so much time went by and I felt guilty about leaving you to face chemo on your own.  I figured I had missed my opportunity.” 

Alexander took a steadying breath.  “At first I didn’t know what to think.  I thought I had misread you.  Then I thought you just didn’t want to see me sick and dying.  You probably see too much of that. It’s partly why I called.  I was falling for you, too, and I needed you to know.  I feel pretty good right now but we both know it can come back.  If my time is limited, I want to spend it getting to know you.” 

….

The weeks and months flew by.  Since it was difficult for John to leave his office during the day, Alexander would sometimes drop by with lunch and the two would share it on the sofa in John’s office.  They explored the local parks and bought fresh fruits and vegetables at the farmers’ market.  They cuddled together while they binged their favorite shows and found that their favorite activity was awaking to the sun streaming through the bedroom window of John’s brownstone. 

Alexander eventually moved in; there was no sense in keeping his apartment when he spent most nights with John.  “I’m glad you called me,” John whispered as they lay quietly in bed. His nose was buried in the space between Alexander's shoulder and ear and he used his arm to pull him closer.  “I don’t think I ever would have gathered enough nerve to call you.”  Alexander sighed and burrowed closer.  John carded his fingers though his hair and found it damp with sweat.  “Hey,” he leaned up to look at Alexander.  His cheeks were flushed.  “Are you okay?  You feel warm.” 

“I’m okay.  But you’re like a human space heater.  Go back to sleep.” 

…. 

“Surprise!”  Alexander walked through the door that night to find his boyfriend standing in the dining room with all the dishes they had tried on their first date.  “Happy Anniversary!” 

“Do people celebrate their first date?” 

“We do.”  John crossed the room and turned Alexander’s face up to his.  He pressed a soft kiss to his lips.  “I love you.” 

“Those three words…they’re not enough to describe how I feel about you but since they are all I have, I love you, too.”  Alexander kissed him, gently sliding his tongue across John’s bottom lip in a request to be allowed in.  John opened his mouth and moaned as Alexander explored.  

John pulled him closer, even as he said, “Alexander.  Stop.”  His voice was breathy and full of lust.  “I worked all day on this meal.  If you keep that up, we’ll never get to it.” 

Alexander sucked gently on his tongue and pulled away reluctantly.  He looked at the contents of the table; it looked delicious.  “This looks pretty good, love.  You really cooked?  You didn’t order it?” 

“No, I’ve been taking a class.  Do you know how hard that was to hide from you?”  He laughed while Alexander tried to hide the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.  “You don’t have to cry.”  He tried to lighten the mood.  “It’s good.  You won’t even have to pretend to like it.” 

Alexander didn't have to pretend. It was good. 

John awoke to an empty bed.  He rubbed his eyes and searched for his phone to check the time.  3:00am. “Alexander.  What are you doing?”  He heard the toilet flush and the water run.  “Are you okay?” 

“Just a little upset stomach.  I guess I’m getting to old for so much rich food.  Go back to sleep.  I’ll be right there.”  John saw him briefly as he switched off the light, saw the dullness in his eyes and knew it was more than just an upset stomach.  Alexander climbed into bed and John pulled him close, thinking about the ring in his nightstand drawer. 

…. 

“John, you know the cancer is back.  I can’t marry you. That’s not fair to you.” 

“It’s not fair to us!”  John could feel his voice getting higher and louder as he answered.  “It’s not fucking fair to you!”  He had prepared himself for this argument but hearing it out loud felt like a knife through his heart.  “We spent those first few months apart.  I don’t want to waste any more time.”  He got down on one knee and pulled the velvet box from his pocket.  “Alexander Hamilton, love of my life, will you marry me?  I wish we had forever. But whatever time we have left, I want to spend it as your husband.” 

The wedding was just a week later, a small civil ceremony conducted by a judge Alexander knew, followed by a picnic with their closest friends.  They had a longer honeymoon, though.  For two weeks, they cruised the Greek Isles, sunning themselves on the beaches, sampling the local cuisine and swimming in the blue water.  

While Alexander was still strong, they both made the decision to take a leave of absence from work.  They traveled to all of the places on Alexander’s bucket list.  John drew pictures of their adventures; Alexander wrote stories about their lives.  As he grew weaker, they spent more time at home, holding one another and never going to bed without a kiss and an ‘I love you’. 

Alexander died six months later with John at his side.  They had watched the sun rise and held hands as Alexander smiled into his chest and with his last breaths said, “Thank you, John.  You made my life worthwhile.”  

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi to me at lamsfan1.tumblr.com


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